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Friday 6 January 2017

Gap Year Student


I have decided that a gap year is not a break from education, instead it is a shift from maths tests and English essays to a school of how to be you (at least this was my experience). It seems quite foolish now not to have thought this is what a gap year might be like, but truthfully I didn't have any preconceptions of what the non-travelling, working a real job, still living at home kind of gap year would entail. All I had known since I was 4 or 5 was how to go to school and have holidays and just breeze effortlessly through it all. 

It turns out that if you take away one rewarding, challenging and predetermined routine, replace it with a new one that involves more repetitive, less mentally stimulating activities of which the end goal is mostly to make money, your life ends up feeling a little lacking and pointless. I worked in the hospitality industry last year as a waitress kind of person. While I learned a lot of valuable skills, gained experience for future jobs and now love the people I work with and this particular cafe environment, I initially found it very difficult to stay motivated. Frankly, I found it difficult to see the point and at times doubted my decision to have a gap year. Winter was especially rough - the winter blues were truly felt because of personal changes and friend dramas on top of the whole 'what am I doing with my life?' thing. Anyway, I think I better move on before I lose you as you roll your eyes at my typical mopey adolescent winging. 

While I was dealing with/ignoring/winging about  my incessant, and really bloody annoying, inner turmoil and monologue, I was also weaselling my way into an unsuspecting new friend group who didn't see me coming (mwahaha and now they're stuck with me!). A bunch of boys and gals whom I'd attended school with and always enjoyed the company of, but whom I'd never really got close to. It's not always easy to feel comfortable or welcome in a group who are already so close and have inside jokes, but, due to the extraordinary nature of these wonderful individuals it didn't take me too long to let myself relax and be happy, and fall in love with them (in a non-creepy, desperate or clingy way). It didn't happen instantaneously, but eventually I felt at home with them.

In addition to some big changes in 2016 I also grew my online business and had a lot of fun exploring the ups and downs of running it and the stimulation of developing my creative practice. In terms of creating, I also made some clothes, crocheted quit a bit, knitted a jumper and had a go at various other things. Following up on some of my new years resolutions...or maybe goals would be a more appropriate term, I read some wonderful books this year (though not one each month), and bought quite a few more; I did lots of yoga (not every day as planned); I did a fair bit of cooking and strengthened my love of veggies; I had a lovely arty trip to Melbourne with my Ma; I saved up a bit of money to get me started in Hobart this year. All in all not a bad achievement for weird and difficult year. 

To say the least it was an interesting year, but, to say more, it has probably been the most formative of my life so far. In summary, 2016 was an emotional rollercoaster a mental cross country. The combination of uncertainty and uncomfortable, but necessary and logical, change was the best thing to concrete my values and ambitions. I don't think a university degree is something to be taken on without serious consideration, and while I was fairly certain of what degree I wanted to undertake, I also didn't feel ready, in any sense of the word. Now, at the beginning of 2017 I feel a great relief that I have reached the new year and it's now finally time to begin something new. It feels like it's been a long time coming and the wait has been painful, but I know that I would have denied myself so much personal development and joy and some wonderful experiences had I gone head first into university life. I am a completely new person - I feel happy and confident, going into the next stage of my life, that I can build myself into the woman I think I want to be. With a clearer view of my values and ambitions I can stroll into unknown territory unafraid(-ish). Obviously a portion of me is scared of getting things wrong this year and living away from my brilliant family, but it is all made irrelevant by the immense opportunity that is ready for me to snatch it up, immerse myself in it and to make my own.

I wrote this post mostly for therapeutic reasons, and partly because I felt like getting back to blogging and this felt like an appropriate time to do so, but also because I thought it might be a good for 2017 gap year students to read. I don't know about you but I find it comforting and interesting to read about other people's experience of something I am about to put myself through thinking of doing. If you are unsure about whether to zoom straight to university or spend a year having a 'break' then maybe you'd like my opinion (or maybe not). For me a gap year was the best thing I could have done, even though it only started to feel that way around August and I might possibly be romanticising it a tad in this blog post. My advice is listen to your mind and your body - if you feel like you should because that's what studious people do, or that you would like to have a gap year but don't know whether it's worth it, then a gap year is probably the right answer. You could also opt for a fancy travelling kind of gap year too, i'm sure you learn a lot about yourself on one of those too. You just spend a lot more money...Go on - become a student of you! Of course, everyone is different and has different things to think about, but try to listen to you rather than every-fucking-one else. Well maybe listen to them a little bit if they are older and wiser than you, but NOT TOO MUCH, ok?

Anyway, happy new year to who ever you are, reading this. Each year I create a photo album on Facebook with the title 'The Year of the [insert interesting animal name here]'. Late year was The Year of the Butterfly - a transformative creature. This year it is The Year of the Honey Badger. Honey Badgers are both cute and fluffy, and incredibly feisty - it seemed appropriate considering my 'you go girl' head space going into 2017. 

cute.

terrifying.

I don't know if I'll blog much this year - largely depends on whether I have anything interesting to say. Talk soon (when something interesting comes up)

xx Love Kate xx